As of lately I have been watching European films on shuffle. One in, one out and repeat. I admire the language of the films. The fact that in Europe many directors write the screenplays, as well. And how there is an evident sense of realism.. to a large part I am finding because the directors allow their actors to not act, but be. Sometimes scripts are never read, improvisation is done and lines are reworked. So I have been doing that, starting the day off with coffee and liquour (which, is giving me awfully bad headaches and eye pains).. so I think I'm going to have to stop making it a regular happening. But once I get hooked, on anything, I get hooked. I just worked on a video for three hours. As I went to upload it, my computer said it was out of memory, shut the program down and nothing saved. I want to be furious,... but my head hurts. I want to do it from scratch again, but I am bitter at myself at this point. I have been going everywhere with my video camera taped to my palms. And really admire my boyfriend more than anyone I have ever met. Never have I had a muse, but he would be and is it. His accomplishments make me feel lost with my own ambitions and he is just too good of a person, too big of a heart. I always want to say so much for a moment, in a minute, over the course of a day. I want all the energy in the world to do so. When I was filming my video, I realized that not for one moment did I think about self-negativity. Not once. Not once did anything get in the way.

And that is why I signed up for the class.



So something silly, really. No editing was allowed. Bleh, blah, boom. I won't try to make excuses. Just giggle with me. Because I laugh my assssss off (in the best way possible).